Me and Mike on New Years
I am sure you all have been inundated with new blog posts, articles and videos with “resolution ideas” for 2015. As a self-help junkie, every year I can not wait to start thinking about the new resolutions I will take on. However, this year is much different: I have no interest in resolutions at all…
About a week before New Years I felt very sick: I was incredibly lethargic, my skin looked terrible and I had trouble falling asleep. Unfortunately, this is the usual for me, except this time it was a bit more extreme.
I had spent the day at my Uncle’s beautiful dinner party filling up on my favorites: baked mac n’ cheese and various sweets. I came home and could barely stand. It wasn’t that I was full, I had sharp pains. I recalled these pains from when I was only 13 years old in Middle School. At that time it became clear to me that I had a weak immune system and most likely had what my nutritionist called Candida. Ever since then I have been researching nutrition immensely and have learned quite a bit.
Since there is an unbelievable amount of information, I tried to keep it simple for myself: my body does not want gluten, dairy or sugar. I knew this due to various health issues I had and the inflammatory issues these foods caused. And believe me I tried everything. I went to various doctors who offered treatments and medications. These would only work temporarily- if at all. What I did notice was I would feel immensely different when my diet changed. However, I knew the only way I could do this was by completely cutting out all the foods I loved (pasta, bread, cheese, chocolate, chai, and even rice). I wanted to beat all of my issues and wipe them out completely for optimum health. The nutritionists I spoke to said it was possible- but I needed to eliminate the foods 100%- at least for a prolonged period of time.
This idea scared me a lot– I felt there was pressure always in the back of my mind. I could eat healthy all day, then screw up at night and it was ruined. Not to mention in school I was so exhausted that I thrived on instant yummy foods and the energy the sugar rush would give me. I always knew it was horrible for me- but I just could not push myself to quit the bad foods.
Flash toward to last week, I remember waking up in the morning. I believe it was the 27th, I started journaling again and wrote down 10 things I was grateful for. This is something I don’t usually do, if I am being honest. That whole day I felt at peace with my body. I didn’t crave wheat or dairy or any form of sugar. But I also didn’t pressure myself, that night I wanted a hot chocolate and instead of stressing myself out, I allowed it. The next day it was a lot easier for me to continue my healthy eating. Why is this? I sort of have an explanation..
I am a perfectionist. I know this because I have been told multiple times. Not in an OCD kind of way, but I expect myself to do the best and sometimes try to be the best. This can be incredibly stressful. I have a mentality that life is tough, so you got to be tough right back. Everything needs to be thought out, planned and executed perfectly, or you will be a step behind someone else. I am a 5″3, privileged female living in NYC with a dream to be a well-respected actor and to help others. I don’t have the mental capability to not be a perfectionist. I truly believe my dream is attainable, it is possible for me (even though I look like a million other wanna be actresses), I just have to be one step ahead. And this is exactly how I have gone about my health. It needs to be perfect. If I failed, oh well, just curl up in bed eating pretzels and watch The Office all night. (That show always makes me feel better about my current life circumstances.) ALTHOUGH, I have begun to realize this not only detrimental for my mental health, its purely unhealthy and I will never succeed at curing my health issues.
I said above that I do not have any resolutions- this is true. If I have a resolution for myself I will not be able to expect anything less then perfect- and you know where I am going with that one. Down, down hill to failure-town. Every year I have resolutions that I write down and every year I look back and say, “oh wow I didn’t keep any of these resolutions, shocker”. I have decided for 2015 I will gradually, at my own pace, begin to break my bad health habits. Now this does not work for everyone, but not only does it loosen pressure for myself, it makes me happy at the small progress I make throughout each day, which encourages me to try harder. In a way its like I am tricking myself.
So that’s that. I will try my hardest to refrain form gluten, dairy and sugar. I think the best way for me to do this is by finding delicious, alternative recipes online. I am really excited for the New Year. I have a lot of new ideas, hopes and dreams for myself. I want to stop thinking and start doing. What about you guys?
Happy New Year,